Kid-less chaos – this is the kind of chaos you create ALL by yourself and you cannot blame the little's for ANY of it.

Kid-less chaos – this is the kind of chaos you create ALL by yourself and you cannot blame the little's for ANY of it.

Wednesday evening to Thursday morning – this is MY time; my time where flexibility and spontaneity are OK and welcome, to a degree.  I have zero commitments Wednesday afternoon and no daycare pick up. Usually this kid-less time allows me to clean up the toddler tornado that swept through my house and catch up on laundry and relax. (note: the teen is here of course, but she’s self-sufficient in a toddler way, make sense?) Thursday mornings I have time to wake up early and have coffee or do whatever without having to wake up and dress and feed a toddler for daycare.

Last week was special, special like if bars were open at 7am I would have decided to work from the bar, special like if there weren’t just as much traffic on 95 south as there were on 95 north I would’ve turned around and gone home like I was leaving the bus stop on a winter morning day.

I woke up at 5am to read, watch the news, and drink coffee in peace.  I did. I got dressed and was feeling pretty damn pretty regarding my outfit choice (that was laid out the night before because I have time to prepare on Wed evenings). I walked out the door a little later than normal because I’m sans kids. Insanity started about 15 minutes down the road. I mean serious insanity.

I looked down, don’t ask why or how I thought looking at my crotch was something I needed to do while sitting at a stop light.. nonetheless, I looked down and saw that my “new” pants were SPLIT. I saw my underwear kind of split. I thought maybe I could handle it but why on earth would I assume THAT much risk right? Ugh, I turned the car around knowing that this detour would cause me to be too late to arrive at the slug line in time to get a ride. Regardless, I HAD to.

Of course, getting ready for a second time will NOT be as smooth as the first time. After 20 minutes of flinging shirts and skirts and dresses from my close to the bed, I finally found a really tight black skirt that is most likely from my 15 year olds closet. Got back in the car to start the commute all over again. Except I KNOW I’m LATE and I will most likely be too late to catch a ride. This time, the radio was louder and the traffic worse. I drove and sang and drove and sang ALL THE WAY TO DAYCARE! Which is about 10 minutes away from my destination, slug lot. Yes, I was at daycare ready to drop off… NO ONE! I didn’t have a toddler w/ me. I checked the back seat, the car seat, and even the passenger seat, no toddler. I was not going to forget her if she were in the car. I checked a few times more.

Back on my way, this time even later than before. This time the music was even louder and I was crying I was so damn mad at myself.

I was thinking, I should have quit hours ago and stayed home.  

Finally arrived at the commuter lot, parked my car in a parking space that I created. It’s located about 4 spots after the last spot in the row. It happens ALL the time, everyday but if anyone gets towed.. they will start with my car.

Walked up to the slug line to Arlington and joined 3 other folks at 7:30am. There’s about an 85% chance we’re not getting a ride and I will be forced to drive in the main lanes w/ millions of people who have been sitting there forever festering. No way, a car pulls up and tells all 4 of us to get in. And yes, who gets to sit in the middle in the back seat as if I were 10 years old? You guessed it, this girl. I sat on what seemed to be an egg, with my legs off to one side over the hump on the floor, and even rubbed arms w/ a lady who also wore a sleeveless shirt. My bear arm rested on hers the entire ride into Arlington. The guy on my left was comfy enough to fall asleep 17,458 times and his greasy head kept falling on my left shoulder. I could not wait to get into Arlington. And my goodness we got there fast because the woman drove NO LESS than 80 mph. Good job girl, get it done, get us into town as fast as possible because we are stuffed like sardines back here.

We arrived at the metro in record time and of course the city air is stained w/ urine. Seriously Arlington VA smells more like pee than anything else these hot humid days.

Eventually I arrived at the other end of commute and a wonderful man in a big black truck picked me up and drove me the rest of the way to work.

Mission complete! The morning chaos is over. I may be thirsty, hungry, hate my outfit, late, I have frizzy hair, my shoes are smashed in my bag, water bottle leaked, but I’m at work and that was the goal.

Christmas Brag Letters (oh yes, people still write them, just not me)

I've noticed  a few of the Blogs i read are talking about the brag letters at Christmas time... 

I started to recall years ago, when i was little, of course living w/ my parents. It seemed as if we received a TON of cards and letters. I used to hang them on the door to the basement w/ tape and a few years we actually covered the entire door. Both the cards and letters tapered off as we got older and entered high school.

I remember a family my parents were stationed w/ would send one each year. We had no contact w/ them ALL year and then around the holidays, The Letter would arrive, tucked in a gawdy card, or an old almost yellowing card because it's been in your closet for almost 10 years and you cannot throw that shit away! People, we should feel lucky, we were invited and allowed into their families lives for a few minutes. I almost felt like I was at each and every band concert, swim meet, and church function! ! i really did (not).

Reflecting for a second... on my own life...  What if Jenn were to write a brag letter? An interesting little tidbit covering the past 12 months in my shoes, or in my house? I determined it would be pretty damn similar to 2 other years of my life. And then I realized that I'd prefer not to brag about those moments to people who clearly have other things to do and if they really gave a damn about me, we could totally be friends during the months of January through November. Preferably around April, we could be really really close during my birthday week.

This list below is by no means a "what I'm thankful for". It's just a bulletized list of things normal people would write about because this is normal stuff that happens that parents like to brag about but these things do not end up to be bragging material.  

As we close another year in the (insert last name, I have a few) household... (trashy opening line to grab your attention, it's not a fib though)

• I have an additional mouth to feed, she's actually been around for 2 years - welcome new kid!
• A cat lives with us. I don't like cats. I don't even know his/her name.
• I have another last name but no husband around (this is NOT the first time this has been written on a list - pathetic)
• The teen did not play any sports this year (wtf?)
• Toddler tried dance class (once) and left the room screaming. We will try again next year,  you know, because we have a letter to write in December.
•  Uhm- we have a boat and are on the river  ALL the time. (new thing, yes)
• I am skinny now. (i like this one just as much as the one above, hell yes!) 
• I learned (not first hand, but too close for my comfort level) that drugs are addictive, and drinking and driving are BAD! 
• I judged a few people wrongly, should have looked closer at a few others close to me as well. I've distanced myself from certain people and threw myself at others who are more positive.
• I'm a single parent AGAIN and have an additional child - (goes w/ the first one, but i wanted some sympathy as we close this year out)  

Disclaimer: I notice a pattern too Capt Obvious. Practice a little holiday cheer and restraint and leave me alone! 


And that my friends, wraps up another 365 days. I cannot wait to send this out again next year!

NOT Working from Home

I was crazy to this i could get work done w/ a toddler around.. she has resorted to whispering her every move and need... from 3 inches away.

-Mommy - has been said 1,674,237,464 times so far
-I've "chosen" specific crayons over a million times
-I've actually moved them across the room thinking she would go over there, nope. back here....
-She has written ALL over my work notebook w/ a pencil
-M

y "examples" are all over the floor, w/ a stray crayon marks all over them.
-I've taken a fake dog to pee in the kitchen over 10 times
-I've babysat a hard plastic baby doll for over 30 minutes on my lap
-She has begged me to change her diaper.. and before I realized she meant herself... she was screaming

I'm done... I think this is borderline neglect.
Wake up Genesis! Please! Your sister needs you.

The HOLANX is setting in early this year... pass the wine and duct tape!

Conversation w/ my father this morning about potential Thanksgiving guests. Guests at THEIR house, so there's not much I can do except prepare.

And by prepare I mean: reviewing possible scenarios, identifying exit points throughout the house, locating all sharp objects/utensils and maintaining a closer distance than any other persons, ensure cordless phones are within arms reach, and finally, devising a plan to always have a bottle of wine in hand!

Conversation:

Me: She may come?? Why do you like her? She's old and has kids.
Dad: So are you. (insert deep old man belly laugh)
Me: OK, bye. (immediately offended, starts rocking back and forth, and hangs up (sort of similar to slamming a door and stomping upstairs to my room)

Decide to call my mother at work for some positive attention and clarification.

Conversation w/ my mother:
Me: She may come?? Why do you like her? She's old and has kids.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Why do you like her?
Mom: Because and I have to go, bye!

Immediately offended again.

HOLANX setting in early. HOLANX is my self diagnosed condition - Holiday Anxiety. Treatment is lots of wine, car keys, and tape for my mouth.

I can feel change happening

It's true. 

A lot has changed over the past month, on the inside and outside (of me). 

And with change, comes reflection. Reflection on the past. 

As most of my friends know, Genesis and I attend an awesome Baptist church in our local area. I was raised and baptized in my home church, Highland Brethren Church, in my hometown of Marianna, PA. I've yet to find another Brethren Church near by to call home. There is one in downtown DC and i did go once. There's also one in Winchester VA but that's pretty far to travel once a week. We also want to be able to attend groups and volunteer throughout the year. We continued our search after we moved to Stafford, VA and we hit the jackpot! We found Victory Baptist Church in Stafford, VA and we love it. We have an awesome church family. The folks are awesome, down to earth, modern, yet close knit, and very very welcoming. 

Church has become a large part of our lives and because of that my outlook has changed for the better. I'm not as bitter about my past and my mistakes, and I don't sound like the sailor I used to. Yes, I slip up every once in a while but I don't sound like I'm sitting in a bar ALL the time.  (yeah!)

I have an improved, more positive outlook on life, for people, and I think I have a nicer personality (i have no idea how to say i do not have a potty mouth any more) all around. It's true - surrounding yourself w/ positive people DOES have an affect on you. 
It also helps that I have "deleted" a few folks in my life who were consistently negative. Foul mouthed, angry, people. 

I feel great! 

Those were the "inside" changes. The "outside" changes were amazing as well. I had weight loss surgery 3 weeks ago. The second kid wreaked some major havoc on me!! In addition to that, I inherited some awesome "fat genes" from past family members. It's been a rough few years. As most of my friends know, Jenn is/was skinny. Getting older and packing on pounds as well as some other minor health issues was insane. It felt as if someone else had taken up residence inside me. Clothes were tight, I felt and looked swelled at all times, and just didn't feel right for a few years! I drank more, overcompensated for A LOT, and basically tried to make sense of what was happening to me. At the beginning of of 2012 I decided enough was enough, I needed to see a Dr. 

1 - I got a divorce (not my first one either)
2 - I switched companies (i've worked for the same contracting company for 10 years since leaving the Air Force)
3 - I cut my hair
4 - I mended a few relationships w/in my immediate family
5 - I started to pay attention to ME and what I need/want
6 - I had weight loss surgery (WLS) in Sep 2012 - already down 25 pounds!

Major changes inside and out!  

I'm a nicer person, I feel good, I'm proud of myself, proud of my girls! 

Good things happen to good people.. and I want to be good people. 

I pray for positive people to come into our lives and I hope I can bring goodness to others as well. 

Jenn

Quote's make me think

I read this quote:

The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God cannot sustain you.

My questions:

Is he talking about me? Does he know me? Really know me? If so, why does he think I can handle what I think I cannot?

And why must we do this dance over and over again?

Am I not learning the important things?  The first few times?

Am I not paying attention to what’s behind the door?? Or whatever the saying is…

I would like answers to ALL the questions above ASAP.

Even with the plethora of changes the past year I’m not seeing it or getting it. I continue to make excuses for people, to gloss over the red flags and make light of the obvious bad signs.. as if I’m wearing glasses w/ duct tape lenses.

There are some darling folks in the world today and I am very blessed to have crossed paths with them.  However, there are some snakes in real people costumes who still feel the need to creep into my life.

Fence sitting is for the birds. Looking in the mirror asking myself questions as if that’s going to create answers for me is for the birds. Making excuses for people is for the birds too.

On a side note, 7 more days until this bird is having surgeryJ yeah!

To live in my SPAM folder for a day

For one day I'd like to live in my SPAM email folder... where every SPAM email was real and possible. It would probably be better than any dream I could possibly have lately since dreaming requires SLEEP.

And sleep normally requires laying down (sort of) and a span of time where my eyes must remain closed.

I am not receiving either of those this week because I have a toddler w/ strep throat proceeded by a week or two of devilish behavior and quite possible horns were spotted slightly protruding from under her hair. I have no idea when the strep throat started or if I started it. G and I are currently on antibiotics for a lengthy cold or whatever/ with an awesome cough that is like a warning of what it will sound like if we smoke 1000 times a day for the rest of our lives. (no thank you)

Anyway- to live in my SPAM folder would be nice for today:
The price of Viagra has gone down with each email- WOW, if only I were a man, a man who needed penile assistance, and a man in need of penile assistance who would buy boner builders online.

There is very very important software upgrades planned for my American Express account that requires MY attention for an account i don't have. However, since this is the one day that SPAM is real, I should update it - yeah right! asshats!

A few very important foreign people have money to loan me. yeah!! - yes, that's what the email says.

COCKZILLA is the new word. - from "me" says the email.

The FBI sent me a classified email.. which because I'm trained, i know that i cannot open them on my unclass email, I'm sure it was a mistake on their part.

Seriously, I'm tired as hell and instead of making jokes about what's in my SPAM folder I should be taking a nap.